The Epic Chronological Odyssey Of Captain Alan The Space Hamster
by RaYvEnDrOnE
Summary: Based off the space hamster in Mass Effect 2 & 3, this will chronologically follow the endeavors of Alan "Al" Squeakers the space hamster. Under heavy construction. Hard hat required. A little taste for now. A lot is arriving later. There's a reason why Shepard is only a commander.
1. Space Hamster: Genesis

The Epic Galactic Odyssey of Alan the Space Hamster

**_—_**

"I'm commander Shepard, and this is my favorite store on the citadel." The commander spoke into the voice recorder.

"Excellent! I will get my clerical VI to add it to our advertisement immediately. " The purple Asari behind the counter exclaimed.

"Alright, let me see what you have." The commander sighed while looking though the limited options at the terminal. An orange screen showed a picture or video footage of the product with a small description right below it.

"We have a variety of ship models, fish and other items available for purchase." The Asari chimed from behind the counter.

Scanning the list from top to bottom, nothing really caught her attention . "Really Shepard," The commander mumbled to herself, inaudible to the Asari salesperson, "THIS is my favorite store on the Cita-." Her breath hitched and her fingers froze up in place. Her eyes were staring into a pair of black tiny beads. A drop of sweat rolled down one side of her face, and her other hand vice gripped the counter. Her body began to tremble, and everything around her slowed down.

"Umm, c...commander?" The Asari waved her hand in front of the frozen spectre's face. "I wonder if she is experiencing that 'monthly' thing I'm told about."

Shepard's teeth clenched together and her jaw tightened. What was this feeling inside her. It penetrated her very core. Was it fear? No, fear was the day when her colony was raided, and her parents were killed. Was it pride? No, pride was when she prevailed during the blitz, not letting anyone die on her watch. This, right here, right now, was respect. Never have two forces come together like this. The unstoppable force will never confront the immovable object. Why? Because of respect. She was the unstoppable force, and the hamster, the immovable object.

"Commander Shepard, It's closing time. I know it's rough on you, but I have to get going. You've been standing there for six hours. My husband is probably worried sick about me." The Asari said, shaking the Spectre, with no effort as she stood as solid as marble.

The working of Shepard's brain slowly began resembling the cold, vast emptiness of space. The past, present and future no longer have any meaning. The present is sucked into the past, the past reflects the future, and the future becomes our present. It's the clockwise spinning spiral of the Milky Way galaxy.

"Commander..?" The Asari put a hand on each of her shoulders, trying to bring her back to reality.

"FOURTY-TWO!" The commander shouted at the top of her lungs, startling the Asari whom fell backwards. With lightning fast reflexes, the commander hit the purchase button, then confirm purchase button. A screen popped up with text that read 'Delivery to cabin pending'. The commander finally bolted out the dimmed store all the way back to the Normandy. Seven thousand six hundred and sixty six credits had been well spent.

"Well that settles that argument then. Spectres are more frightening than Justicars." The Asari said, brushing herself off the floor.

**_—_**

"This small furry rodent looks up at you with what seems like a knowing smile."

—Mass Effect 2.


	2. Space Hamster: Exodus

—Aboard the Normandy

Shepard's face was currently pressed up against the cool glass walls surrounding a tiny space hamster and his home.

"Uh, Commander?" Tali spoke up, trying to gain the enraptured commanders attention. "Other than try to break the elevator on our way up here, what's so important to have half of your entire crew jam up the elevator to see you in under thirty seconds?"

The commander turned around to see nothing really out of the ordinary, except that everyone was in extreme proximity around one another.

"Maybe because the commander said she would jettison anyone out the air lock if they didn't hurry it up on time." Garrus called out, slightly annoyed since the intercom blared in the middle of Fleet and Floatilla, 7th season finale. Markus is at the bedside of Aran whom caught a an unknown disease after they confessed their love physically and now she is dying but it turns out Markus' friend Sarlaque didn't want his sister to marry the Turian and spiked his food with a poison but Markus didn't feel it's effects and when Markus and Aran consummated their love for one another, the poison transferred to Aran, and she's quickly dying and right before she uttered her last words... Shepard happened.

"Was the commander, always like this?" Jacob turned to Tali and Garrus, who just shook their heads.

"Of course she is, I made every thing precise, calculated and perfect." Miranda said from somewhere in the midst of all the people in the commanders cabin.

"Oh, because you're just the shining example of perfection aren't you!" Jack could also be heard in the back, somewhere near Miranda.

"I wanna eat it." Grunt Grunted.

"You will do no such thing to an innocent creature!" Samara said, smacking the Krogans back.

"Oh come on, look at the bloody thing. It would kill you in an instant with its bare teeth if it had the chance too." He went to cup samaras butt but was met to a fist to the face.

"No, not killer. But maybe... Maybe create antidote. Possible. Maybe unlikely. But potential for use, yes?" Mordin began talking to himself, to which only he could understand.

"Do you know the meaning of life, small rodent?" Legion approached the hamster, stroking the glass it was surrounded by.

"The meaning of life will only be achieve until after you die." Thanes voice could be heard, but he could not be seen.

The commander was clasping her ears shut. Noise noisE noiSE noISE nOISE NOISE! The commander turned around. "NO!" The commander said sharply, shocking the crew into silence and submission. with one hand still over her ear, she pointed to the small furry rodent scrambling about its icy prison. "What the hell is that?!" The commander said out of breath.

The commanders chair turned around to face Shepard until a silhouette of a person sitting down could be seen. "That my dear commander, is a hamster." Katsumi's voice was underlined with a hint of sarcasm.

"I know that's a hamster, but WHO is that hamster?" The commander reached within the glass walls to grab the hamster. "Acting so pretentious towards me." She lightly squeezed the hamster and turned to the crew. "Alright ladies, here's your newest assignment. You are to find out everything about this hamster. Who is he, what is he here for, why he acts like -gahh!." The commander threw up her arms in frustration.

Upon the action of tossing her arms, the space hamster followed suit and began hurtling towards the rest of the crew, and more specifically heading directly towards grunt.

"I call dibbs!" Grunt shouted. "OMNOMNOM!" Grunt caught the hamster perfectly in his mouth.

"HYAA!" Samara shouted out before sending a powerful biotic infused punch to the young krogans stomach.

The hamster shot out of the regurgitating krogans mouth, as well as some other peculiar items.

"Hey! There's my visor!" Jack called out.

"There's the remote!" Tali and Garrus spoke in unison.

"And there's my 76hr Fitness pass!" Jacob pointed.

The small furry one was shot straight into the crossed arms of Zaeed.

"Well, I for one volunteer Zaeed to be the first one to look after the small one." Katsumi stated putting an invisible finger to the tip of her nose." The rest of the crew followed suit.

"It's settled then." The commander approached the shocked Zaeed. "We believe in you." Shepard put her hand on Zaeeds shoulder. She turned her head dramatically as a single tear rolled down her cheek. "Now get out of my cabin, my ejector finger is feeling awfully itchy!"

The crew then all rushed into the elevator, cramming in. Soon, the moving steel box was on its way down.

"I don't feel this is a good idea, the extra weight of the hamst.." Mordin was suddenly cut off.

Zaeed was pressed against the elevator wall next to Thane. "Bah, this stuffed animal barely even weighs a.."

The lights of the elevator turned off, and were replaced by red flashing orbs on the ceiling and floor.

"Warning, elevator to heavy to decent. Please wait until the arrival of our next destination." Edi was heard in the darkness.

"Umm, Edi, How long till we reach our next destination?" Miranda wheezed, being crushed between A Krogan and a hard place.

The shuffling of paper found be heard in the background of the intercom. "About three days Ms Lawson."

And with that, a single word was heard throughout the Normandy and Space.

"FUC-"


End file.
